


Souther Than the Great White North

by dsa_archivist



Category: The Great White North, due South
Genre: Christmas, Crossover, Filk, Gen, Humor, Poetry, Screenplay/Script Format, Song Lyrics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 1999-05-06
Updated: 1999-05-06
Packaged: 2018-11-11 02:05:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,040
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11139018
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dsa_archivist/pseuds/dsa_archivist
Summary: Note from Speranza, the archivist: this story was once archived atDue South Archive. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in June 2017. I tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address onDue South Archive collection profile.





	Souther Than the Great White North

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Speranza, the archivist: this story was once archived at [Due South Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Due_South_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in June 2017. I tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Due South Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/duesoutharchive).

Souther Than The Great White North

Hi! this is a corny little play I wrote! It is a crossover of due South and indirectly of the Mackenzie brothers from SCTV! It's an attempt at a comedy, and is full with terrible jokes. I love both shows! At the end, there is a comment made about a show! Please note, that the comment is only in there for a laugh! Hope ya like it! Ya, ya, ya! Due South is copyright of Alliance and Bob and Doug Mackenzie and The Hoser Christmas song, is copyright of...I'll have to look into that one.

Written By Kelly Fox

## 

Souther Than The Great White North

A Due South/Hoser Crossover!

C- Hello and welcome to this episode of Souther Than the Great White North, But Still in the North!  
K-Yeah! Hey, Erin, is that Due South of the Great White North?  
C- Take off eh!  
K- So, I'm Kasey Mackenzie and this is my cousin Celine! You may know our father's Bob and Doug Mackenzie! They had their own t.v. Show called THE GREAT WHITE NORTH! They retired and we took over their t.v. Show, but we had to change the name of it because we moved South.  
C- Any ways, today we're going to talk about Christmas, seeing as it's like December and Christmas is coming soon, eh? So, to start off, I have a pop quiz for Kasey!  
K-A quiz? You never told me that there was going to be a quiz! I didn't have time to study! (panicked)  
C- That's why they call it a pop quiz! Does everybody want me to give Kasey this quiz? Good! Kasey- what are the twelve days of Christmas?  
K- That's easy! There's Christmas, Christmas Eve, that wrestling day, New Year's day, New years Eve. Let's see, there's 4 Saturdays and Sundays,  
C- That's 9...  
K- ...and then there's those three other days, which I believe they, call the MYSTERY Days!  
C- You're so smart, eh! So Kasey, do you know what you want for Christmas!  
K- Yep!  
C- Good, any ways Next....  
K- Wait a minute hose head, I haven't told you what I want for Christmas  
C- I only asked to be polite! I really didn't want an answer! It was a hypochondriac question.  
K- Hypothetical  
C- What was that eh?  
K- Hypothetical. You said it was a hypochondriac question. I believe you meant to say it was a hypothetical question!  
C- Well thank-you kindly Madame Encyclopedia!  
K- I think you mean dictionary and, you're welcome!  
C- Take off Hoser!  
K- All right, getting back to what I want for Christmas, I would like to express it to you in the form of a song! All I want for Christmas...  
C- Are your two front teeth!  
K- No! The dentist put those in last week! See! He did a good job, eh! Anyhow, if you'll help me out Hoser, I'll tell the audience what I want for Christmas! Ready?  
(Sung to the tune of the twelve days of Christmas)

1\. Mountie from the t.v.  
2\. named Ray  
3\. Riv's  
4\. Pounds of Bannock  
5\. Stetson hats  
6\. Copies of each EP.  
7\. Visits from Ben's dead dad  
8\. Armani suits  
9\. Pounds of Back Bacon  
10\. Dress Uniforms  
11\. Wolves named Dief  
12\. seasons of Due South  





C- Are you finished?  
K- What?  
C- I want to know if you're finished! There aren't many shopping days left until Christmas, and these people want ideas on what to buy for their loved ones and the only thing you've told them is that you want to Boink the Mountie!  
K- Well, you don't have to be so mean to me?  
C- Take off!  
K- No, you take off! (fighting, Erin realizes the camera is still rolling)  
C- We're still on you hosehead!  
K- Right! So, what do you suppose we do?  
C- Well duh! These people need ideas for what to to buy for Christmas!  
K- The Hoser Christmas song?  
C- Precisely!  
K- O-k! I'll start! And for those of you who know the words, you can sing along too!  


1\. Beer (In a tree, start at verse 4)  
2\. Turtlenecks  
3\. French Toasts  
4\. Pounds of Back Bacon  
5\. Golden Toques (What Was that ending again? I keep forgetting)  
6\. if 2-4's  
7\. of smokes  
8\. Books (Whew! This should only be the two days of Christmas! Its two  
much for us! O-k! Let's Just skip to day twelve! Welcome to day  
twelve...uh...uh!)  





C- So we hope we have given you lots of ideas for what to get your gift people. Anyway, that is the end of our show! Merry Christmas!  
K- Wait, I just thought of what else I want for Christmas  
C- If it has anything to do with your obsession for Due South, I swear it'll be all aboard for fun time and I'll kick your ass all over this room!  
K- I'm going to tell your mom that you're so mean to me!  
C- Kelly, my mom is American, if anything, she'll just kick your ass herself!( Kelly starts to cry) I'm sorry! What did you want for Christmas?  
K- I want doughnuts! You can get me doughnuts on the first day or the fifth day! You should get them for me on the twelfth day, because for some reason if you get twelve on the twelfth day,they're stupid and they count wrong and you end up with more than what you pay for!  
C- Really! You know What I want for Christmas? I want a chainsaw! Then I could cut your face off and never have to see your ugly face again! (Runs over and pushes Kasey over! She falls)  
K- Ow! I broke a nail! You wouldn't happen to have a nail file or something on you?  
C- Sorry! I left my make- up kit in my other pants!  
K- Take off, eh!  
C- That's it! Come here! (Chases her, when he almost catches her, they both stop, turn to the audience and say...)  
K & C- Merry Christmas and Good Day Everybody! (They resume to chase each other off stage and beat each other senseless!)  


The End!

Happy Holidays Everybody!

E-mail:


End file.
